A Letter From Mama

Dear Alvis:

Things are much the same here in Hootin Holler. The economy is so bad that pigeons have been feeding people.

Herman Glotz just got back from visiting his cousin in California. He said he would not let his cousin teach him how to surf. When his cousin asked Herman why, he said “Surfing is the only sport that has a shark in it!”

Your father’s distant cousin, Tony Gogwecker from New York, came here last week for a visit. They have not seen each other in years. Your father thinks Tony is connected with the Mafia. You see, when you father took him deer hunting, Tony first threw the deer in his trunk, and then shot it.

Harley Corn went to see his psychiatrist again last week. He told the psychiatrist that he is terribly afraid of Santa Claus. When the psychiatrist asked him to explain, Harley said in addition to Santa Claus, he was also scared of Kris Kringle and St. Nick. The psychiatrist told Harley that he had a bad case of Claustrophobia.

Iris Gomer just got back from a bus tour of the western states. She said, when the tour went to Denver, they were not allowed to visit the Denver Mint because the workers were on strike. It seems the workers were striking for less money.

Nacho Gack’s wife, Elsie just had their twelfth baby. Nacho said they could not name the baby until one of their dog’s died because all of their dogs have the good names.

Well, time to go. Your father just lit a match and looked into the car’s gas tank to see if there was any gas in it. There was.

Love,
Mama