New Letter
Dear Alvis:
Things are much the same here in Hootin Holler. Your father is worried because there never seems to be enough money to go around. I told him not to get so worried because you can’t take it with you. He told me, “Whoever said that never met an old maid.”
Harley Corn went to the psychiatrist last week and came back very mad at him. Harley said the psychiatrist kept showing him inkblots associated with sex. The psychiatrist said he wanted to take the results home for the weekend to study them. Harley said he got upset when the psychiatrist wouldn’t lend him his dirty pictures. Harley said the doctor asked him if he was troubled by indecent thoughts, and Harley told him no, he enjoyed them very much.
Elmo Bean got divorced again last week. It was his sixth marriage and divorce. Elmo says he has been marred and divorced so many times because a man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. He said his last wife was looking for an older man with a strong will—made out to her.
Lazlo Thomas is still as lazy as they come. He says he is going to join a group called “Workers Anonymous.” When you feel the urge to go to work or do a chore, they send someone over to drink with you until the urge passes.
Betty Clam, the town gossip came over to visit the other day. Your father told me not to tell her any secrets because they would go in one ear and in another.
I see the Kentucky Derby was won by a horse that seems to have surprised everyone except your father. He says a racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time.
Ima Gooch told us her boyfriend invited her to go with him next weekend to a nudist camp, but she is not sure she wants to go. Your father told her she should not be afraid of going—that nudism was just a different way of looking at things.
Well, must go and see to your father. He threw a rock at a hornet’s nest to see if hornet’s were still in it. They were.
Love,
Mama
Things are much the same here in Hootin Holler. Your father is worried because there never seems to be enough money to go around. I told him not to get so worried because you can’t take it with you. He told me, “Whoever said that never met an old maid.”
Harley Corn went to the psychiatrist last week and came back very mad at him. Harley said the psychiatrist kept showing him inkblots associated with sex. The psychiatrist said he wanted to take the results home for the weekend to study them. Harley said he got upset when the psychiatrist wouldn’t lend him his dirty pictures. Harley said the doctor asked him if he was troubled by indecent thoughts, and Harley told him no, he enjoyed them very much.
Elmo Bean got divorced again last week. It was his sixth marriage and divorce. Elmo says he has been marred and divorced so many times because a man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. He said his last wife was looking for an older man with a strong will—made out to her.
Lazlo Thomas is still as lazy as they come. He says he is going to join a group called “Workers Anonymous.” When you feel the urge to go to work or do a chore, they send someone over to drink with you until the urge passes.
Betty Clam, the town gossip came over to visit the other day. Your father told me not to tell her any secrets because they would go in one ear and in another.
I see the Kentucky Derby was won by a horse that seems to have surprised everyone except your father. He says a racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time.
Ima Gooch told us her boyfriend invited her to go with him next weekend to a nudist camp, but she is not sure she wants to go. Your father told her she should not be afraid of going—that nudism was just a different way of looking at things.
Well, must go and see to your father. He threw a rock at a hornet’s nest to see if hornet’s were still in it. They were.
Love,
Mama
posted by The Joker at 12:51 AM
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