Letter From Mama
Dear Alvis:
Things are much the same here in Hootin Holler. You know, growing older is not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve still got it, but nobody wants to see it. My get up and go is going, going, going. And one thing I have learned, never ask an old person how he feels, if you have anything else to do that day. My grandfather once told me that old people should not eat health foods. He said they need all the preservatives they can get.
Bettie Clam, the town gossip, says the secret to staying young is to live clean, eat healthy and lie about your age. She should know. Oh me, did I write that? She stayed for an hour the other day. Did you ever notice that some people stay longer in an hour than others do in a month?
Elmo Bean got divorced again the other day. He has been married and divorced five times. He says he has finally learned his lesson, and that marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution? He told your father that marriage was not a word, but a sentence. He said he would never marry again, but just lease. Whatever that means. He says you really don’t know anything about a spouse until the divorce.
June Gack passed away last week. They said such nice things about her at her funeral. Too bad she missed hearing them by a few days.
Harley Corn went to see his psychiatrist again. As part of his treatment, the psychiatrist told him to buy the book, The Power of Positive Thinking. Harley said he started off to the city to buy it and then thought, “What good would that do?” He didn’t even get halfway there. Harley also told us when he was growing up he had Amnesia once, or perhaps twice. He couldn’t really remember. If you ask me, that explains a lot. Before they made Harley, they broke the mold. I think his father must have dropped him on his head a time or two.
Well, got to go help your father. The storm we just had a wire knocked down up the road, and your father went to see if it was a live electric wire. It was.
Things are much the same here in Hootin Holler. You know, growing older is not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve still got it, but nobody wants to see it. My get up and go is going, going, going. And one thing I have learned, never ask an old person how he feels, if you have anything else to do that day. My grandfather once told me that old people should not eat health foods. He said they need all the preservatives they can get.
Bettie Clam, the town gossip, says the secret to staying young is to live clean, eat healthy and lie about your age. She should know. Oh me, did I write that? She stayed for an hour the other day. Did you ever notice that some people stay longer in an hour than others do in a month?
Elmo Bean got divorced again the other day. He has been married and divorced five times. He says he has finally learned his lesson, and that marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution? He told your father that marriage was not a word, but a sentence. He said he would never marry again, but just lease. Whatever that means. He says you really don’t know anything about a spouse until the divorce.
June Gack passed away last week. They said such nice things about her at her funeral. Too bad she missed hearing them by a few days.
Harley Corn went to see his psychiatrist again. As part of his treatment, the psychiatrist told him to buy the book, The Power of Positive Thinking. Harley said he started off to the city to buy it and then thought, “What good would that do?” He didn’t even get halfway there. Harley also told us when he was growing up he had Amnesia once, or perhaps twice. He couldn’t really remember. If you ask me, that explains a lot. Before they made Harley, they broke the mold. I think his father must have dropped him on his head a time or two.
Well, got to go help your father. The storm we just had a wire knocked down up the road, and your father went to see if it was a live electric wire. It was.
posted by The Joker at 9:23 AM
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